Overall, I've become much more dead inside just as a way to cope with everything. Sleeping is still my biggest enemy now (it used to be my favorite thing): I'm relying on sleeping pills or just not sleeping at all. I think headphone use tends to make it spike for a bit, which is unfortunate, because while I'm using the headphones, it's bliss after I take them off, I'm right back at square 1. I haven't learned to "tune" it out yet, but sometimes when I focus on movies or music, I can forget about it for awhile. I'm still aware of it in any quiet setting (usually at night, in bed) and it still gives me the same depression and anxiety. I feel like my life has taken a sharp downward turn for the worst this past month. Movies have been my salvation throughout my life and it's the only place where I can forget I'm suffering because I'm not thinking about myself (sadly, it's not as effective when I'm at home and using TV speakers or headphones). I've found the only time I'm happy is when I can tune it out completely, which is when I'm at the movie theater. The way I've been handling the past couple of weeks is by tiring myself out by not sleeping for 2 days or so until I can finally fall asleep (usually with the help of heavy sleeping pills). I figured I'd give the white noise machine (which is basically just a fan) a shot, but my preference is to sleep in total silence (which is impossible now). Right now I'm at the point where I'm able to tune it out during the day (as long as I have sounds to occupy my mind and I'm not in total "silence"), but nighttime is deafening. It does feel like my tinnitus adapts to sounds just to kill me faster. If you are thinking of harming yourself, there are resources and experienced Redditors to talk to at /r/SuicideWatch. If your tinnitus is causing you serious distress, please consider seeking professional help. We are not doctors or professional counselors. R/tinnitus is a peer support community of people who are interested in helping each other cope with tinnitus. Please report posts that violate these rules.
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